Unapologetically Black. Unapologetically Me.

“The other day I was looking at pictures of me from high school and I was wearing my hair exactly like this today”.

Jarrelle Johnson

Age: 32

Occupation/ field: Finance

Ethnicity: Black/Guyanese

Why did you decide to wear your hair natural?

I was in university – I think it was exam time and I was wearing my hair straight at that time. It was just easier for me to wear my hair natural because it was cheaper than going to the hair dresser all the time. As a student, regular trips to the hair salon where not in my budget. So my hair dresser suggested I texturize (a chemical containing sodium or calcium hydroxide is applied to the hair for a short period of time, 10 minutes to loosen and soften the curly) my hair to reduce the amount of time it took to straighten my hair. Many people and their hair react differently to texturizers. For a lot of people, texturizers make their hair curly and softer. For me, my hair turned bone straight so it was like a relaxer (a chemical containing sodium or calcium hydroxide applied to the hair and left on the hair for a long period of time, up to 20 minutes to change remove the curl pattern from the hair and turning the hair bone straight). I had the worst reaction ever and I never did it again. That happened when I was 19. That was 13 years ago and I’ve been natural ever since.

The other day I was looking at pictures of me from high school and I was wearing my hair exactly like this today (natural). I was laughing at this picture because I’m so young and here I am how many years later and I look exactly the same – minus the wrinkles (there are no wrinkles what so ever! FYI).

I don’t know what my motivation was for rocking my natural hair back then because it wasn’t a thing like it is now. It wasn’t hot. There wasn’t a natural movement or any naturalistas. Natural hair was just saying I don’t have a perm (similar to a relaxer). Even if girls wore their hair natural, they were still going to the hairdresser to get it straightened. I wore my hair natural but never really asked myself why. I do not know if I was trying to be different. I was born in Canada but my family and I left when I was very young and settled in the United States. I went to a predominately white high school in California. I was the only Black girl in my graduating class of 500 students in 2003. So I didn’t really have to stand out with my hair. I already stood out. I know I just did my own thing. I was kind of popular in high school because I use to dance and was in cheerleading. I liked the look of natural hair. I was inspired by musical artists like Alicia Keys and her braids and Lauren Hill and her locs and somewhere in between there was me and my afro. Being Guyanese, being Canadian, being Black in a Southern California politically, republican, very white neighbourhood with old money, I didn’t come from that demographic. I think when I was younger I tried to fit in and tried to assimilate and melt into that melting pot but from middle to high school, I realized, I’m not going to be that.

My mom is half Surinamian, half Guyanese. Her father was a Surinaimian, dutch. He was born in Holland but he immigrated to Suriname. So that’s one side. My Dad I would say he is fully Guyanese but there is a bit of some Bajan trickling around. My Dad’s side was a mix of eastern Indian Portuguese and Black. Both my Mom and Dad wore afros. My mom for my adult life wore her hair straight. I have always been on a quest for being very proudly Black. Especially in situations where it is not easy to be proud of being Black because you may risk certain repercussion for doing so. For example, I come from the corporate world and it’s not always acceptable to come to work with an afro or promote my Blackness because we are supposed to be ambiguous and blend into the corporate structure. It’s more of a melting pot to their culture rather than showing your individuality.

My mom only recently within the last three years became natural. So my natural hair journey is not necessarily coming from her. My siblings all use to wear permed straight hair but now they are mostly natural. I have four sisters and two brothers. My brothers also wear their hair natural – my oldest has locs and my younger brother has an afro of curls. In my mind there was an image of Blackness for me. This image came from the world around me growing up in the suburbs and was reinforced by popular culture. The images of Black women that I saw growing up did not showcase Blackness but was more about blending in. Now it has kind of morphed into something completely different because Blackness really isn’t an image for me anymore – It is more than that. But at that time, as a young teen growing up, I think that’s where and who I wanted to be – unapologetically Black. I think that’s probably where it came from. That speaks to the 14 year old in the picture with the afro in school.

Growing up I didn’t really have much of my culture around me because I grew up in the United States and it’s very different from Toronto. In Toronto we can go to any corner and find something from our culture or any culture at that. In the States you can’t get that. It’s a privilege to find snippets of your culture if that makes sense. So I didn’t really get that and my mom was busy trying to fit in because we were all trying too. My mom couldn’t really fit in as seamlessly as I could because of her Guyanese accent and even among Black people we stood out. So imagine trying to fit into circles where you are the only Black person in the town you live.

Eventually my family and I came back to Canada in 2004 – I was 17. When I came back, I started meeting people that conveyed a different definition of what Blackness was to me. I started meeting other Guyanese people. Seeing what it meant to be Guyanese and then moving from that to what it means to be Black. What is the African diaspora? I took a trip to Africa twice. I went when I was 21 and when I was 23. Disclaimer: I was dating a guy at the time. He brought me home to meet his mother. The trip was so eye opening to me and I experienced a culture shock. In Africa, I went to Cameroon and Morocco. Just being around or in the culture and seeing what they like and their trends, their beauty practices – everything just threw me. There was such a high Eurocentric influence on their beauty practices such as bleaching their skin that I found quite disturbing. There were a lot of amazing moments and a lot of really sad moments that I witnessed. Coming back from that trip it helped widen my definition of Blackness. I realized that you could be that personified version of Blackness that you strive to be without having to be the afro toting Black girl. The hairstyle does not determine one’s Blackness. It really doesn’t matter and that was my take away from the experience.

What do you dislike about your natural hair if anything at all?

I’ll be honest; I fight with my hair every day. I just came back from Cabo and that was eye opening because I was struggling with my hair everyday thinking of how am I going to style my hair today? Do I braid it? I hate braids because they always wreck my hair. I find that the braids pull on my hairline so I realized I don’t want to do that just for a week of vacation. Then I said to myself… you know what just wear your hair out…whatever! I found myself constantly washing my hair due to all the chlorine in the pool. What a nightmare. What I’d say I dislike about my hair is the labour aspect of it all. It takes three hours to blow dry my hair straight. It takes me two hours to style my hair if I’m wearing it curly. It is a lot of work and labour that is required but I wouldn’t change it. I just wish that I wouldn’t have to spend so much time on my hair. There is no such thing as wash and go for curly hair. It doesn’t exist.

What do you like about your hair?

I like the versatility. I like knowing that there is always an option for me to style my hair. When one way is not working out, I have an alternative. For example, I straightened my hair and then it turns into a humid day my hair starts reverting back to curly, now a new style can emerge from that. I may get frustrated and tired with the process of styling my hair but there is always an option.